Caring for Wan

Wan has eight children from three different marriages.  Kak Nah, the eldest is from the first child bearing wife.  However, that marriage was not to last.  True to the Kelantanese spirit they (Wan and his ex-wife) remain friends and we children used to stay over at her (ex-wife's) place during the school holidays.  My eldest sister was brought up by her mother.  Next came my brother and me before my mother passed away.  My remaining five siblings are from my stepmom who brought us all up.  She passed away in 2000.  Thanks to my stepmom we remain close-knit to this day.  A younger sister passed away this year, leaving seven of us to care for Wan.

Wan at tea time.

We believe Wan is in his 90s but no one knows for sure.  In spite his age Wan is in excellent health.  Until a few years back he was zipping around his rubber holdings dotting from Air Chanal, Jeli to Kg. Landar, Pasir Mas in his 4D Toyota Hilux.  He is a very independent person until his sight failed him even with lens change operations.  Lately dementia has also set in.  Sadly he has to give up his independence and rely on us children who willingly take turns in caring for him.  For this I have to salute my brothers and sister-in-laws for they took upon themselves to care for him as except for my late sister all of Wan's daughters are staying out of state.  Kak Nah settled in Kuala Selangor, my youngest sister is teaching in Klang and me though retired chose to settle in Kajang.

For all these years I had only a 10 day turn to care for Wan (28 November - 8 December 2013).  Not that we were not willing but as always, aging parents would rather stay in their own place or close by rather than some place else.  What more when we are out towners.  The opportunity to persuade him over was when my sister got talking to him about a well known eye doctor in Klang.  Seemed that a few of her friend's folks had their sight restored after visiting this doctor.

Another obstacle is to persuade him to take the flight.  Not that he is terrified of height but his rationale is that should there be a crash there would be nothing to cling to as everything will be crashing down!  Good thing that Tabung Haji only offers air passage for the compulsory once in a life time pilgrimage.  He would have taken the sea voyage should one be offered!  It was after much persuasions that he relented to fly into KLIA.

He was with my sister in Klang for a while before it was my turn to care for him.  Kak Nah came to give hand for the period of Wan's stay with me.  Being close to 70 herself, this is her only way to care for Wan.  There is no way for her alone to care for Wan.  This has been a great help for me for I am also taking care of Adam, my two year old stay-in grandson.  We soon set ourselves in a routine with me doing the cooking and bathing Wan.  Kak Nah took care of Wan at meal time for he can barely see what is served before him.  The hubby took care of chatting him up and keeping his wake-up hours occupied.  Nazim once took him to the barber for a shave.  With boisterous Adam in the house, Kak Nah mostly took care of Wan's day need while I took the night shift.  With her hypertension and diabetic conditions to care for, I made sure Kak Nah got to bed early in the night.  My night shifts normally start at about 9.30 pm.

The four-generation shot.

The challenge came in the night.  As he spent most of daylight sleeping away, Wan tends to be awake at night and he wanted to chat away.  He'll remember snaps of his past life and will relive it.  One time it'll be the parang going missing and he'll be searching the room for it.  Later we'll need to take the buffalo into the shade.  Then it's his motobike out there as he lost the key to unlock the gate to bring it into the house compound.  Soon there are robbers creating havoc in the house!  Took us a while to live his 'reality' and came up with appropriate responses.  Yes, the parang is safely in the store, the buffalo has been taken to the shade of that big tree, his bike is safely in as we've located the key, and the robbers were all dead in the gun-fight!  Try repeating that for ten nights plus other incidences and you'll get the hyper-tense situation we were in.

Alas all good things has to end.  After another short stay at my youngest sister's he insisted on going home.  Things were much easier this time around as the fear of flying has finally eased.